Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
