I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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