dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
