How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
