Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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