just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
