Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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