My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
