ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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