i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sober January is a disaster.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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