I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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