i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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