we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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