70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
