I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
