I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He had one of those small greek statue penises
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
