I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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