Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
