My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
