well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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