Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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