Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
