i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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