Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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