Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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