Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
