So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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