I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
