Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's the barista slut.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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