He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
