and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
