there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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