so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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