What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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