If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
