I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
