it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
