i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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