I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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