will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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