I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize