Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
