I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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