Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
try to milk me bitch
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