counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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