This girl is more easily done than said...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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