It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
