There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
