I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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