Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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