The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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