i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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