You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You are the jesus of drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
