you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
