Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
