just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Terrible idea I love it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
