Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
