thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
