we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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