saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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