You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
