Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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