I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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