I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
