Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
