the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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