420 ftw
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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