Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
