Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
