Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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