what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
