she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
