Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's blow job season.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
