I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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