i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
