fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
