Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
