she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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