Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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