I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
