Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
