Sry I called you an 8
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
