And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
