he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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