if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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