as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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